There was a moment in my yoga class today where I felt a surging sense of self-confidence as I held challenging positions I wasn’t able to before.  I slightly giggled at the person next to me, their face asking, “What the hell is she talking about?” as they stared at the instructor in utter confusion, trying to mimic a pose named something I can’t pronounce.

You want me to do what? Their face questioned as they lowered themselves in defeat to their mat.

For a moment, this knowing what to do and being able to hold the position when the person next to me didn’t/couldn’t, filled me with pride.

Until…the next pose when I nearly face planted.

Suddenly, I wished I could take back all the silent bragging I just did in my head.  It’s like the yoga gods provided some instant karma, defending the newbie who should be commended for just showing up.

As I was snapped back to that moment and put in my place, I realized I’m not a yoga guru, not even close.  (I can’t even touch my toes after all.)  But I realized even more that it was never about the person next to me.

I’m not competing with them.

They aren’t competing with me.

My pride came back when I recognized it as my own, knowing I’m a little stronger than before and that’s all that matters.

Me just continuing to show up is all that matters.


2 thoughts on “Namaste

  1. You are so right. The feeling of pride swells inside me when I can make it through a class despite my struggles with balance. It is good meeting you and your blog site.

  2. Jen–The older you get, the more that idea will become cemented in your head, that you’re only competing with yourself. Showing up, trying, not giving up–those are all things to be proud of.

    A funny similar story. I watched the movie “The Horse Whisperer” many years ago, and joked about the fuzzy, out-of-focus filming it featured, due to all the skin bumps that Robert Redford was sporting. (He was old even then.) Of course, I shouldn’t have been snarky, because almost overnight, I grew a bump of skin on MY face.

    Karma takes a big bite out of us when necessary.

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